I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
