Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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