the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
