Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
