All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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