i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
