I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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