i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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