Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
