from now on my penis is your penis
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
