I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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