By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
