:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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