First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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