do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
