anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm bleeding and have questions
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
