Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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