4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
