I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
