is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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