Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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