Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
