i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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