you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
