ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
