Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize