god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
