i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
