New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I said "one day" and that day is not today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
