Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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