We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
