mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
