Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
