She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
whose ass print is on the piano?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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