did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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