her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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