we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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