as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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