I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
