This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well most of my day revolves around power hour
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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