youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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