the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He passed out mid-signature
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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