My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
