That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
