My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
