laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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