Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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