I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
