Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
