Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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