i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
