I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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