I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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