I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
