The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
this is an emotional support booty call
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
