At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
