thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
