All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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