Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
