Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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