he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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