ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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