don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
