the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
