Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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