You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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