It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
