he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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