I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
